Bentlegs' Blog

On a brighter note...

2010-06-09T18:42:00.000-07:00

It has been brought to my attention lately that I am apparently a 'negative' person. This has been suggested because apparently I like to talk about the shit that surrounds me, rather than the gold. Personally I see this negativity as positive. At least I am prepared to be honest about all of the bullshit that surrounds us, without treading on the eggshells of 'the norm'. I am genuinely offended by many aspects of society and the media, and as I am lucky enough to be given free speech, I shall use it to vent my spleen where appropriate. This said, I have decided to do a one-off special of a blog. Happy. I mean this in two different ways, happy, as in, opposite of angry, talking about things that I like rather than despise. The other being, happy?, as in, "Happy now? Are you happy that I have bowed to your command and given in, let my guard down just enough for you to peep over and believe that I may actually have a soul behind this bitterness?". Apparently, being 'positive' will make me feel happier. "Smile, it might never happen". Personally I'd rather grab anybody that says that too me by the throat and beat them round the head with a beachball, until they die. It would be difficult and take a LONG time, but not impossible, and will no doubt be theraputic. Anyway, a blog which isn't just flicking the V's to your bullshit culture and calling you all cunts, for a change.

Here it goes...

Blackberry. I am by no means a gadget geek, but as some of you may be aware, I dislike Apple products. A lot. Enough for me to send them an abusive email, which I cannot talk about within this 'happy issue'. Anyway, I digress. I own a Blackberry mobile phone, and it's fucking wicked. It isnt touch screen like the iPhone, which to me was a major selling point. I strongly dislike touchscreen for several reasons. Firstly, I am weary of huge screens. I have a habit of scratching and breaking the smallest of screens, so a car windshield sized thing in my pocket wont be lasting long. Secondly, I find it mostly pretentious. Thirdly, I can't work the fucking thing. I don't have very big hands, but I still can't quite manage to send a text on the thing without hitting every surrounding letter, and making my texts look more like they're from Pete Doherty at 5am. No. The Blackberry has good old fashioned buttons. I like it that way. It is in no way a 'poor mans iPhone'. I can afford an iPhone, I just don't want one.

How Not To Live Your Life. Amongst the sea of shit that is modern british comedy television, floating alone on a plank of wood, lies Don Danbury. HNTLYL is simply brilliant. It's lead character is a fucking moron. He is socially retarded, can't keep a proper job, repels women, keeps bizarre company, thinks that he is a lot funnier than he is, he is.... well.... He is me. This is nothing to be proud of, I admit. However, it's fun to see somebody else suffer instead of feeling it first-hand.

Red Dead Redemption. It's like GTA but on horses and you can hog-tie people. Need I say more?

Hardcore. While the 'hardcore scene' these days looks more like the set of Willow than a music gig, with stupid elf-like haircuts and espedrilles all over the place,and I have often slagged itoff bigtime, I do still have a passion for it. I'm by no means 'old school', but I have been around the block and more than paid my due's over the years. It's sad to see where the scene has gone, but there is still a fire in the heart of hardcore, it's just keeping a candle alight rather than burning down the bridges of society. Which leads me onto...

Bastions. I don't know exactly what genre these boys call themselves. Its a sort of post-hardcore sound. Very Poison The Well-esque. I like it. I like it a lot. One of my main gripes with music in general lately, is the lack of passion and meaning. People don't mean what they say, and are too busy trying to look the part. I've seen this band about 5 times now, and every time is better than the last. They play good, loud, believable music. It's like a noisy breath of fresh air. Their live show is something that needs to be seen. There are plenty of shapes pulled, but they aren't cliche'd, worn out bedroom rehearsed dance moves. They (appear) to do whatever their music makes them do. Something much more noble than making yourself look like a square monkey, adjusting your hat inbetween photos on stage. One thing I can't work out is wether they are religious or not. They have a religious undertone, but I can't work out if it's because they ARE religious or because they AREN'T. Not that it matters. I'm just curious.

Poker. I love bluffing people off big pots and making them throw the best hand. It's great. I wish I had more patience to play online, theres a LOT of money to be made there. But my heart belongs to live poker. Getting the feel for players, creating a backstory for new people that I meet, leading them to believe that I'm something ridiculous that I'm not. It's all bullshit at a poker table. Sincerity means nothing. I love it!

Charlie Brooker. Cliche'd I know, but I fucking love this guy, for saying exactly what I'm thinking. Apart from when he dissed 'Dexter'. That is the first time him and I fell out. It's okay now though, we've kissed and made up.

Summer is coming! I'm not big on sunbathing or 'getting right on it' in a beer garden, but, I do much prefer it when the sun is out. It's much better weather for us perverts. Also, more stuff happens. Festivals, bbq's, road trips, adventures... all sorts goes on in the summer that nobody wants to do in the pissing down rain of winter.

Smiles from strangers. You know when you're walking through town and somebody you don't know is walking towards you and they make eye contact with you and smile? No? It doesn't happen often, and sometimes you do need to initiate it a little bit, by not being a screwface and looking a little bit more approachable. It's worth it. When that girl smiles at you as she walks by and you smile back. It's quite nice. It doesn't MEAN anything. I don't fancy her. Just as well really, I'm pathetic at chatting up ladies. Just as well I don't have to really. Which brings me onto my final 'subject'...

The missus. I am a prick. I know this. You sure as fuck know this. So does she, and this upsets me a little. I fuck up. Regular. But having somebody sticking with me through thick and thin, putting up with my shit with me, I just can't describe. I can hear you calling me emo or gay... I know, I know. The saying goes 'a problem shared is a problem halved', and this is true. I AM a problem. Sharing myself with her, makes me a better person. I am a proper clown, always messing about, being a wolly, acting the fool at inappropriate times, just generally being an embarrassing tit, but she puts up with it. I don't know why. I sure as fuck know that she could do a lot better than me. I just hope that she doesn't realise this aswell. I couldn't handle life without my better half.

There we go. Some things that I don't hate. Until next time... fuck off.

'ardcore

2010-06-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

(Originally posted on Tumblr 4 weeks ago)

I miss hardcore. I’m not yet 100% certain whether it killed itself, or I gave up.

I miss Heaven n Hell show’s. I loved that death trap. Seeing Irate play ‘Vendetta’ in a room about the size of my garden…. so sick. Or Champion circle pits. That big kick off at the BOU/Walk The Plank/Down n Outs/Blue Demon show. The first time I saw Justice. Straight edge all dayer when Nothing Done blew my bollocks off. Walking into the room downstairs expecting to see a Knuckledust show but instead seeing a load of bondage and fetish freaks. “Represent!”… those who know, know. Send More Paramedics zombie entrance into a room full of fellow zombies. That time I puked during a Special Move set. Gav spinkicking and hitting a girl on the other side of the room in the face with his shoe. Some of the mates I’ve got from that place are good sort’s. I was genuinely devestated when that place closed down.

But, while I’m on a roll, I’m gonna write some more cool memories that spring to mind from hardcore days gone by.

Dingus ‘the human cannonball’… just in general, what a guy. The atmosphere in the room when Wisdom In Chains played Ninjafest. School Yard Brawl. BMTH lead singer getting sparked, pre-tattoo’s… The Promise playing at the Star and Garter, best show ever. The Break In before they were shit, playing THAT intro. ‘Nate Hate’ announcing that he ‘is the leader of a generation’… xCANAANx reunion when I knocked a bloke out with my head whilest running. Shattered Realm at S&G, where I accidentally broke Dale of Broken Teefs nose. Breaking Belroys arm during Beyond Our Means. The let down of seeing Underdog, as they were shit. Fifty On Red, man I LOVED that band. Irate playing in Newport, which was Blades last show and an earlyish Six ft Ditch show, bruises galore. First time seeing Death Before Dishonor in Sheffield. Agnostic Front when the kids got on stage like they were at some pop concert, well funny. Roachey shouting “it’s manc mate, they all chat bollocks anyway” when the singer for First Blood couldnt understand a manchester accent.. in Manchester… we were even more unpopular that night. Bones Brigade covering Metallica. Seeing Stampin Ground play Officer Down. xSHEEPx when he had hair. xSHEEPx and his Dunlop short shorts. EEEEEEVERY MAAAAAN FOR HIMSEEEEEEELF. Watching London kids put in gum guards and do stretches while SFD are soundchecking. Being the only person into Awoken. Being severely let down by Hatebreed. Seeing Anthrax play Caught In A Mosh. When Jon put on an all dayer for his own birthday party. That buzz every time that Ninebar got to the “Trust no one….” bit. That dude in the vest that went to EVERY SHOW EVER but didn’t actually know anybody. ‘Punks Divided’ getting kocked the fuck out. Muggsy starting on Hoods. Being convinced that Theo, pre-Last Witness, was Pelbu’s brother. Mani’s helicopter arms. Big Rich’s huge fucking arms. THE VICTORY!!!!

Right this is upsetting me. I’m going to go start a band now…

I'm gettin' too old for this shit...

2010-03-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, what the fuck? "Yeah I'm Alex and I'm gonna do two blogs a week!", and it's now very nearly April and I've done two all year. My bad. But still, what you gonna do? Nothing. Exactly. And, as per I have no REAL agenda with this blog. I'll probably go off on one and pour my bile all over your eyeballs for half an hour. Soz 'ard. If you can't be arsed reading it all, scroll to the summary at the bottom.

MCAT. Meow Meow. Mephedrone. It sounds like I'm quoting from Brasseye's genius 'drugs' episode, but unfortunately not. These are some of the names for the current drug epidemic hitting the streets, and more 'importantly' the media, in the last few months. The media keep referring to MCAT as a 'legal high', which really fucking annoys me. It is not a 'legal high', it is a plant feeder. PLANT FEEDER. Alcohol is a 'legal high', but thats perfectly acceptable, despite the hundreds of thousands killed directly due to alcohol every year. Anyway, sensationalism's in full swing regarding the hysteria surrounding MCAT. 'Tragic' deaths of teenagers, kids in schools using it, its cheap and easy availablity, its legality, all being brought to the front pages over the past couple of months. Calls for it to be banned are underway and the ban vs no-ban fight is well underway. Now, as you may or may not be aware, I am straight edge. This may lead you to believe that I strongly believe the government should ban MCAT, right? Wrong. I do not, in ANY way shape or form condone it being used for human consumption. Because that is taking drugs, and drugs are bad mmkay. But, it is NOT a 'legal high', it is food for fucking plants. The answer to the MCAT problem is SIMPLE. And it is this:

MCAT does not need to be banned. It is a PLANT FEEDER and is NOT supposed to be snorted in the first place. If you stick plant feeder up your nose you DESERVE the consequences, however severe they may be.

Long term use has not yet been investigated properly, but if it sends you mental, then you only have yourself to blame. If you sniff it you are a dick. If people discovered that injecting petrol felt mint, would the government ban it and close down Esso and Shell for dealing? There are lots of things out there that potentially could make you feel good for a bit if you snort em. Go ahead if you're dumb enough to test them all. The government cannot control the drugs trade as it is anyway, what do they think will happen if they make it illegal? Coke is illegal and it is a lot easier to get hold of than Ste Jones. Heroin is illegal, but still plenty of fucknuggats stick a needle in their arm on a daily basis. Fuck them. Their own stupidity is their downfall.

It is legal to set your own head on fire, that doesn't make it a good fucking idea.

Right, thats 'drugs' out of the way. Twilight. Do you like it? Do you think that people that DON'Tlike it are morons? Yes? Then go into mummy's room and steal one of ther bra's from her drawer. Done? Now cut it in half and throw away the left cup. Put the remaining cup on your head. Now you look like the right tit that you are.

Tattoo's, again. Sorry. Seriously, why the fuck do people think that I give a shit about how they think "a proper tattoo is all black, anybody could draw a tattoo on like yours"? Fuck off you Miami Ink mongs. David Beckham has got a new tattoo to go copy, shouldn't you be printing it off the internet instead of talking to me? On a positive tattoo related note, my good friend Kiran Parmer is working at Birmingham convention on April 12th, and i shall be helping out. Same goes for Doncaster convention in August, all three days. If you're around then come say 'Hey'. Just dont show me your tribal.

Hardcore music. Again. Recently went to my first 'proper' hardcore show in a long while (excluding Wrexham shows, which are NOT hxc). It's sad to see just how much things have deteriorated. Fashion before passion. Hardcore ain't cool. It's for fuck ups and misfits. Not trendy kids. Fuck off back to where you belong. Oh yeah, you don't belong anywhere you scene hopping bellends. Go daisychain in topman.

I'm scratching my head to think of something positive to write now. OOH. Festivals. Creamfields first day looks incredible, but the second day looks more shit than Liverpool's subs bench. I'm hoping that Global Gathering pulls off a belter. In fact, why havent they announced a proper line up yet, despite being a month prior to Creamfields? Hmm.

My leaving note shall be a summary of all of the above.

MCAT doesn't need to be banned, people need to stop being fucking idiots and snorting it. Twilight is shit. So is Miami Ink. So are hardcore kids.

Note: Ste Jones may be hard to get hold of. But he is ace.

I am useless...

2010-01-20T10:19:00.000-08:00

"Yeah I'll write a blog a week as of now"........ swing and a miss!

I planned on updating this far more regularly than I have been. Nevermind...attempt number two starting now. I don't really have much to say at the moment so I will list some things that I have done since I last wrote:

Bought some well nice Adidas Originals stuff, kicks and cloths.

Watched a shit load of Horror films... the one I enjoyed most being 'Zombieland'.

Played a lot of poker, and made a hell of a lot more than I lost. Good times.

I went on a night out to 'Cruise'. Hate it there. Full of arrogant blends dressed as puffs shoving past, with HORRENDOUS DJ's playing bad music, badly.

I went to lazerquest and sprained my ankle.

I slid on ice and nearly ripped my bumhole.

I finally got my tax return sent back.

I ventured back into the world of online poker, so far so good.

I didn't update my blog.

Movies for the blind....

2010-01-01T17:55:00.000-08:00

Why do we insist on waiting until January 1st for our cliche'd 'fresh start'? Does the striking of midnight on 31st December eradicate all wrongdoings of the previous year? Do we refuse to accept blame for our own sins? Must we really pass our shame onto a fragile little leaf, then turn it over in the hope that all is forgotten? Are we actually foolish enough to believe that the grass is greener on the other side? I've got a picket fence and can see the other side. The grass is not greener. The grass is not green. The grass is dead. And unless we stop putting things off, and water the grass, it will stay that way. We must take our lives into our hands, and do it this instant. Time waits for no man. It hurries along faster than any of us care to notice. Instead we sit back until it's too late and proclaim "Hasn't this year flown by?". Yes. It did. Because we let it.

While you are reading this I am trying to grab a hold of my life.

Back to the future....

2009-10-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

It's been ages since I wrote anything on here. I really should make it more regular. I'd like to say it's because I've been way too busy, but I'd hate to lie to your beautiful faces. Nothing much is new really. Oh wait actually.... I'm doing a degree now. Animal Studies. It's quite cool and very interesting, but it's also fucking hard work! I'm not used to being in a classroom, taking notes, doing HOMEWORK! It's been a LONG time since I set foot in a classroom, and even longer since I qctually behaved myself in one! Theres so much science stuff involved. Yes obviously Alex, you tit. I know, I hear you. I just didn't realise quite how much there was. It was never my best subject. I'm going to struggle with it so I'm going to have to put a lot of effort in... again not something I've done recently!

Right, theres my 'About Me' update... time for some ranting, observations and statements!

Firstly, I'll start with, Liverpool...and the beach ball. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GUTTED FOR YOU! That really is superb. The best bit is reading on various football forums, so many Liverpool 'fans' saying about how that kid ruined their title hopes this season. Sorry.... WHAT? Surely it's more the fact you're a two man team, and haven't got a fucking clue what to do when your superman isn't on the pitch, and the ladyboy isn't up front to score. Your MANAGER has ruined your title hopes. Look at your squad. Is that a league winning squad? No. Precisely. And also, it serves you blends right for throwing socks and Tesco carrier bags at us. Going on about how the kid should be arrested for it. Grow up you. I thought us blues were the bitter ones??

Vampire films/tv shows..... fuck off. There's way too many coming out right now. And.. they're all shit.

Why, when I say that I don't like cats, do ALL owners repost with "but you'll like mine, he's not like a normal cat"? Yes he is. It's a cat. I don't like them.

Facebook status'. I know I'm guilty of updating mine fairly regularly. But I try to be a little more creative. And I use the English language. Why do people insist on updating their status with "oh my god those fukin twins on x factor am not gon wotch it nemur if dey dont go dis week lyk"? Which leads me on to.....

X FACTOR! Seriously... what's going on? I only like it for the early auditions where those MORONS embarass themselves by sounding like a monotone whale on a gram of ket. When it gets to the live studio part and all that, I lose interest. This year is particularly bad. They're just a load of bland, yawn-inducing 'acts' doing the same kareoke routine over and over. At least Louis hasn't been there recently with his simpleton face, proclaiming "You are what this show is all about" to anybody on the stage that everybody clearly knows is complete log. And, those twins. THEY'RE GREAT. Only in Britain would we let an act that introduce themselves with "Hi I'm John." "And I'm Edward" "And together we are.... John and Edward" on our screens. They have quite clearly cheated the social care system and broken free from their carers. Which is why I want them to win. Such delusion is hilarious. And what's more hilarious is the delusion of the FANS of X Factor. Do they REALLY think there isn't fixing involved? And that their facebook groups will make an impact? And that any of the judges besides Simon Cowell have actually got a clue? Mugs.

Saw 6 is out soon. Too much? Yes. Going way off track? Yes. Over rated series? Yes. Fed up of everybody talk about how sick and gorey it is, knowing full well that it isn't and that I own much better, gorier films? Yes. Will I watch it anyway? Probably.

If you wear glasses that don't have lenses you are a twat. That is a scientific fact. (Bentley, 2009)

There have been a lot of deaths lately. Well, there are ALWAYS deaths. Every second of every day. I mean there have been a lot close or around me. I don't like it, obviously, but it has kind of helped me a little. I was beginning to take my life for granted again.

Right, I'm no 'expert' by any means. And I have not been involved since day one. BUT. There are a LOT people jumping onto the dubstep bandwagon lately. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It means there are more nights popping up and about, there are more people to converse with etc. But, as with most trends, most of them are clueless blends that like the sound of their own voice too much. Giving it the biggen about Caspa being a band. FUCK OFF YOU DICK. Why even open your mouth, let alone try to take the piss and belittle somebody. Especially following it up with "have you actually seen them?". Yes. Years before you heard of HIM. Dickhead. Fuck off back to BMTH you scene cunts. Nobody wants you here. Just like the hardcore scene that rejected you. Scene jumping little cunts.

AND BREEEEEAAAATHE!

Okay so this is a lot of ranting. Sorry.

Or am I?

No. I'm not.

Seriously...

2009-09-07T17:17:00.000-07:00

I know this is the second blog today but I forgot about this piece of 'NEWS' that REALLY annoyed me today. Alex Reid, MMA fighter and new 'love' of Katie Price, is in a film, that's got a rape in it. SHOCK HORROR!!! I've never known such disgusting filth. I have to wholeheartedly hate these ill-informed fuckwits protesting that it should be banned, having never seen the fucking thing, because it's not even been MADE yet. Yes, rape is a truly disgusting and unforgivable monstrosity of a crime. I DO NOT condone it, and sypathise fully with any victims. However, it's a FILM. He doesn't ACTUALLY rape anybody. He acts in it. Personally I would consider pulling off a convincing performance in a rape scene to be quite an accomplishment as an actor.
Oh wait, it's a disabled woman, does that make it worse? Of course it doesn't, rape is rape. This stuff GOES ON in the real world. Depicting it is not wrong. Do these 'Mothers Against Murder and Aggression' want to ban EVERYTHING that has any aggression or murder in? Seriously, what the fuck are they trying to achieve. If you don't want to watch a film with a rape scene in it, don't watch a film called 'Killer Bitch'. And, even worse, if you are calling for Reid's new film to be banned before it's even been made, go choke. Aggressively. 'Zero Tolerance', an anti-violence group have stated that "The message is that women are sexual objects to be treated like dirt". This about a film they haven't seen. That isn't even finished filming yet. How stupid are some people? There are umpteen films out there that have certain 'upsetting' content without glamourising it, I can't even be arsed getting started on that one.
I'm not sticking up for Alex Reid as such here. I don't know anything about the guy whatsoever, I'm sure he's alright and sound and a geeza or whatever. It's more, I DESPISE the media sensationalism surrounding him. He's going out with a rancid slag, that is famous for getting her fake tits out and being a total cunt with her husband. Whatever tickles his fancy I guess.

Nick Griffin...

2009-09-07T16:56:00.000-07:00

Okay so it's not like me to talk about serious stuff, but I felt it was appropriate. The BBC have reportedly announced that they are contemplating putting Nick Griffin, leader of the BNP, onto the panel for Question Time at some point in the future. Following this, Labour MP's have threatened to quit the show if it goes ahead. Why? Yes, the BNP are ignorant,racist biggots. BUT, are we not blessed to be living in a nation of free speech? They are a legitimately elected political party, and while I don't agree with, or even respect their values, they have every right to voice it on Question Time. I don't like a lot of the fucking idiots that appear on there that represent the party running the country, so what's one more nobhead going to matter? Chris Rock hit the nail on the head, Labour supporters are idiots, Conservatives are idiots, Liberal Democrats are idiots. Anybody who makes up their mind before they LISTEN to all the options, and makes and INFORMED decision, is a fucking idiot. UKIP have appeared on the show, and in all honesty they're only a few short steps behind BNP in many ways. The BNP SHOULD appear on there, if people don't like them or their motives, then GOOD! CHALLENGE THEM! That's the whole point in the show dickhead. Ask them questions, force them into explaining themselves, make them feel awkward and look stupid, just like so many other elected MP's before them! By appearing on national TV, the BNP won't convert the whole country into Hitlers Third Reich. Some people may wholeheartedly agree with and believe that shit, who are we to stop them? They obviously have their beliefs, and top marks for sticking to them. I have my own, and they clash, but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear what they have to say. The Labour MP's that are refusing to appear on the show should be confronted by their constituancy as to why they are not representing them.

Just a list.....

2009-09-06T16:51:00.000-07:00

I've been lazy. I admit. I haven't written anything here in WAY too long. Apologies if anybody has missed it, and apologies if my return has annoyed you. Actually I take both of those apologies back. Go do something productive instead of reading blogs. Douche.

I can't really motivate myself enough to write a proper blog. Using proper sentences, in proper paragraphs 'n that. Instead, I shall just write a list of things that I have thought about or noticed lately. Most of which are negative. Happy reading!

1. The general public is actually the biggest collection of genuine morons possible. Seriously, how some people function in their day to day lives is beyond me.

2. Arse kissing in the workplace is hilarious to watch. The very soul of people, melting away, in order to impress uninportant important people, is a sad sight to behold, yet it tickles me greatly.

3. Wayne Rooney is a bigger prick than he's given credit for. "I've never dived". No Wayne. Of course not. Just like I've never masturbated over Fern Britton........

4. I really hate tattoo's. Well. I don't. I love them. I just hate being asked stupid fucking questions, as well as people thinking they're friends with me, just because they also have tattoo's. Most of which are shit and not worth a short glance, yet alone the extensive viewing people insist on giving me. AND if you have your hands or throat done, but don't have sleeves, you are a total cunt. That is actually a scientific fact.

5. Hardcore is pathetic. Where are all the good bands? What happened to rowdy, good fun shows, full of people jumping on top of each other, not giving a fuck about scuffing their trainers or hair? Why are the few shows that take place full of cliche scene kid fucknuggats that look like girls, wearing leggins for jeans, stupid fringe fuckin' hair cuts, doing bedroom rehearsed dancemoves? What happened to real hardcore, with ACTUAL passion? Instead of whinging rich kids. You do not belong. Fuck off.
P.S. If you are one of these idiots, you probably don't even realise I mean you, and that I believe you are 'down for the core' and whatever. Keep your gay hand signs and gorilla moshing for house parties, not hardcore shows. Rubbish house parties at that. Rubbish because I'm not in your kitchen. Or your mums knicker drawer.

6. Foot Locker have got a new range of Air Max 90's. Is Right.

7. What's with all the fucking remakes? WHY do people instist on remakes films that DO NOT need to be remade. I am DREADING susperia.

8. I wish I had a proper haircut.

9. Why do Liverpool fans, yet again, kid themselves that "this is their year"? And also, HOW FUNNY IS THE CHELSEA ORDEAL!!??!!??

10. American Dad is better than Family Guy. Fact.

11. I completely forgot Big Brother was even on, let alone give a shit about who won. If I wanted to watch a bunch of mongs chatting shit, pretending to be something they're not just to impress people, while making a complete helmet of themselves, I'd pay more attention to people in the canteen in work.

12. Farmville can fuck off.

13. I swear too much.

14. I am starting a degree on 21st September. I'm really excited, and a little nervous. I haven't been in a classroom situation for six years. And even then, it was sixth form, which wasn't exactly me pushing myself to my academic limits. It was more me messing about, getting my arse out on camera and stealing signs to add to the 'sign wall', or 'bobsledding' down the stairs on an upturned table.

15. I find that it takes more and more for me to actually LIKE new people that I meet, depending on where I meet them. I tend to not like anybody at first. I see this is a good thing, because I cannot stand the fickle idiots that are happy to swing from the nizzies of just about anybody with any 'credibility' or 'status' (see point 5 above for an example). I just like real and geuine people, which is unlucky for me really, as there are less and less of this rare species around these days.

For now..... that is all.

Another one bites the dust....

2009-06-26T06:27:00.000-07:00

Yet again the media shitstorm is in full effect. The 'peadophile freak' has died, and is suddenly a saint. Lets forget he bribed children involved in molestation cases.... the guy wrote Thriller, right? I am genuinely intrigued as to wether people will react like this when Gary Glitter dies? Im not saying I wish anything on Michael Jackson, heart attacks at 50 is no way to go. But it's a case of Jade Goody syndrome again. The media stirring people up, blabbing on about the king of pop, which is not what he has been referred to in YEARS. I'm keeping this short and sweet. fitting tribute really. Sorry, that was bad. Bad. Really, really bad.

It's been a while...

2009-06-02T15:39:00.000-07:00

I've been lazy lately. I admit it. Perhaps the heat got to my head or something. Sorry. Anyway, I'm back now and as over-opinionated and agsty as ever. This entry has no real agenda, I'm freestyling of sorts.

On Saturday night, I watched 'Diversity' win 'Britains Got Talent', while the bookies favourite Susan Boyle came a close second. Nevermind ay? Then she went a bit mental and there was concern for her health. This is bad for anybody. BUT, it was ONLY exhaustion. After all, she's had heck of a time. Nothing a few days rest won't cure. Not that she will get that. She's been in the headlines for several weeks now, and last week 'SuBo' (what a bullshit nickname to give a woman) admitted it was all too much for her to deal with, and that she didn't like the media attention. So what did the media go and do..... give her media attention, over not enjoying media attention. Some may argue that people who go on shows like that are asking for media attention, but what we must remember is that prioer to last week, she had only actually auditioned. 2 minutes. Thats all she did. And why all the hype anyway? She has an effortlessly incredible voice, that is undeniable. Was it that? OF COURSE NOT! It was more the fact that she's a bit of a crackers and fuck ugly old woman. She got mocked and laughed at until she sang, then all of a sudden it turns out that god forbid, somebody that ISNT beautiful can sing, and suddenly she's some kind of national treasure. I'm not dissing on Miss Boyle. I bring no beef, like KFC. But is it really THAT jawdroppingly shocking that ugly people can sing too? Do we have to be aesthically pleasing in order to have a talent? I'll be honest, I tend to think of the newspapers as being exactly that, papers containing news. I am fully aware that in the digital age where news is available 24 hours a day on several tv stations, and the internet being a massive source of information, that newspapers have to find another way to sell units, which is why the red tops have turned to this 'celebrity culture' in order to do so. But is she a celebrity? She tried for a telent show, that's all. I didn't realise that every person that had their audition aired was of 'celebrity on the front page' status. If thats the case then I want to see more about handfarty man! And another thing, the coverage of the poor woman was about everything BESIDES her singing. 'She was a virgin'. Thanks The Sun. I'm really glad that I know that important piece of news. And how can we forget the 'artists interpretation' of how she could look with a makeover. Perhaps she doesn't need one because her voice is all that matters. Her singing is what people really care about, right? Ah shit, yeah, thats not the case is it. We want to know useless trivial shit about her, to gossip about. Has she ever even been kissed? Where did she buy that flowery dress from? Where did she go on holiday in the hot summer of 1973? When she has a shit, does she check the toilet paper for damage? Okay, okay, so she wasn't very well and was exhausted bless her. I genuinely feel sorry for the woman, with all this unwanted attention, but as I've previously stated, it's nothing a nice lie down won't sort, so why is Gordon Brown MP, Prime Minister of Great Britain, issuing a statement wishing the runner up of a TV 'talent' show, a speedy recovery? As a friend and I concluded, it's because this great country of ours cares more about this 'talent' show than anything else, and he is under pressure to say something, and because the threat of a public backlash is outrageous. Isn't great to know where our real priorities lie isn't it.

A quick note before I leave, yes Everton lost the FA Cup Final to Chelsea on Saturday, but I am more proud than ever to be a bluenose.We've got the best manager in the world, the best fans in the country, and the best songs to sing at games. We are blessed.

Evertonians are born, not manufactured. We do not choose we are chosen. Those who understand need no explanation. Those who don't understand don't matter.

Note to self #2

2009-05-19T17:47:00.000-07:00

I need a career. NOT just a new job.

I've done several bullshit jobs that I never wish to emulate again.

I want a new venture in life.

I just need to work out what that is.

Note to self #1

2009-05-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

There is NO reasoning with a moron.

Keep 'em in Kirsten.

2009-05-05T15:05:00.000-07:00

The other day, whilst channel hopping, I stumbled across a show that was just beginning, called "Kirstens topless ambition". Basically over the course of an hour, CBBC childrens TV presenter Kirsten O'Brien investigated if doing a sexy photoshoot would further her career. This included the much appreciated showing of former CBBC presenter Angelica Bell's saucy FHM shoot. Unfortunately, this footage was grossly outdone by the most excrutiatingly cringeworthy footage of Kirsten attempting to be sexy. She even got up on a pole in front of Peter Stringfellow and tried to be seductive. It would have been more of a turn on to watch her squat and poo on his lap. It's not often I feel embarrassed for myself, let alone anybody else. That said, I couldn't prize my eyes away from the slow motion car crash happening on screen. She isn't attractive at the best of times, but when she TRIES to be sexy, it's just, well...... weird. The worst part is, it wasn't the fact that it was an ugly woman in the first place, nor the fact that we got to recoil in horror at her attempts to be sexy, what really had me watching through my fingers as my hands covered my face in shame, was her interviews. She spoke to the editor of FHM magazine, and credit where due, she was upfront, but unfortunately for her, she just ISN'T a good looking lass. Behind her was a wall full of FHM front covers, which included such women as Megan Fox and Kelly Brooke too name a couple. I am aware that I am no Brad Pitt myself, and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder yadda yadda, however I am not handing the editor of a leading magazine polaroids of me trying to be sexy. O'Brien is told by the editor that the magazine receive emails all of the time regarding kids TV presenters, and that her name has NEVER come up. In twelve years. She follows this up by asking "That is fascinating! Why do you think that is?". When the editor was looking through the photo's she claimed "You're slightly happy with those.." and he quickly put her in her place with "No, no, no. I see these all the time". I cannot think back to a time when I cringed so much. Does this girl not get that people just.... DON'T fancy her? I feel kind of cruel for what I'm saying here but seriously, did the BBC not look at the footage and feel that they should spare her the embarrassment of airing it. I would have felt sorry for her, had it not been her own delusion that caused me to hide behind the duvet while watching.

While I'm here I would like to add, ITV Sport, you are dreadful. The coverage of tonight's Champions League clash between Manchester United and Arsenal was beyond belief. Both the commentary and the studio 'pundits' were almost as blinkered as Kirsten O'Brien. I can't be arsed going into it. It will make me angry. And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry........

Seconds out.... Round 2.

2009-04-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

This is the second blog today, because the first was more me pouring my heart out, and I feel guilty for being so morose.

For my sins, I have watched a few episodes of "Britains got talent" recently. This is a misleading title, as most of the show is made up of poor, misguided simpletons that look as though they are there on a bet. People dancing in a Darth Vader helmet, people waving from side to side to Michael Jackson song's, dog's that just lie down in their basket, people reciting poetry and promoting their own book, people falling open mouthed onto a sword.... all sorts of, well, shit. The alleged main aim of the show is to uncover the hidden talent that this country has to offer, with the winner performing at the Royal Variety Performance, which is quite an honour by most peoples standards. So why do people go on there and play songs by making farting noises with their hands? Incidently, I must admit, this is my favourite act so far. Last year there were allegations in the media regarding the 'bear baiting' of people on the Jeremy Kyle Show. Surely, airing some of the cringeworthy auditions that we watch through our fingers is FAR more guilty of this? The ITV2 follow on to this show, again with it's misleading title, "Britains got MORE talent" is far, FAR worse than Jeremy Kyle when it comes to making a fool out of people. It has to be seen to be believed. In saying that, I do think that the show gives some people a chance, that maybe otherwise wouldn't get a look in. Like ugly women in their late forties, or twelve year olds, with astounding singing voices, both of which would not appear on X Factor.

However, the thing about the whole bullshit tidalwave that is BGT that REALLY bugs me, is the judge on the left of the screen. Piers Morgan. Why is the smarmy blockhead even on there for a start? That's before he looks down his nose at everybody from up on his high horse. But seriously, what credentials does he have to be judging talent on such a show? He was editor of a bullshit tabloid. He has never performed publically. Unless you include the embarrassing scene that he caused on 'Have I got News For You', where he tried to give it the biggen with both Ian Hislop and Clive Anderson. I can't stand Jeremy Clarkson, but I would certainly high-five him for smacking Morgan in the face. Does Mr Morgan think he is being funny, or maybe 'cool', when he puts through dreadful acts, claiming "this is what the competition is all about", yet being critical of most people who are making a genuine effort. Just that smug look on his face makes the programme almost unbearable to watch. Twat.

I have been here many times before....

2009-04-28T15:40:00.000-07:00

This is a blog. It is personal, and may not be objective. If you do not like this then go and buy The Sun. It won't be like any of my previous blogs, and I feel that I should apologise prior to starting, if it comes across as a self-loathing bomblast. This is just me, all my cards are on the table and I am airing my skiddy undies. If anybody reads this and can relate, feel free to say something. If anybody reads and would rather just call me a puff and tell me to get on with it, this is equally welcome.

Recently I have found myself struggling to keep pace on the lugubrious treadmill that I thought I had finally managed to switch off and abandon. By this I mean that I trying to keep up, to stay on top of things, but I am short of breath, and my legs, the base of my being, are tired and worn out. I am fully aware that everybody has their problems, but the strange thing is, this adds to mine.... I feel guilty for feeling the way that I do. Millions of people have it worse than me. What RIGHT do I have to even mention feeling low? A harsh realisation of truth has recently hit me though. I am a let down. It's very fuckin' hard to be so honest with myself, but lately I have sat and looked at myself, the choices that I have made, the thing's I have done, and questioned what made me do them. I beg forgiveness if I sound big-headed here, but as a kid, I was always praised for my potential. I achieved good grades, and in all honesty, I could have achieved even better had I put in more effort. I just kind of.... coasted. I always did enough to get by, very rarely pushing myself because I didn't find anything to be all that difficult. Once I left school I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I'm 24 now and I still don't. Having no direction or goal to aim for, makes it very hard to find motivation. This is my biggest downfall. Motivation. I should have it in abundance. I WANT to have it in abundance. But a simple fact is that I don't. Since leaving school, I have amounted to nothing. I could have been somebody to be proud of myself for. I would consider myself to be a pretty engaging person, charismatic and likeable at times. I may be wrong, but at least I have always TRIED to be like that. The unfortunate and sad thing is, while I may be coming across that way, I did not always, and right now, do not, FEEL like that in my heart. I am disconcerted and embarrassed. I have nothing to show for myself. While I have had fun, a LOT of fun, lots of good memories, over the past few years, I actually have NO achievements. Not a single one. I have literally NOTHING to show for myself. I don't mean material objects, although I don't have many of them either. But, I feel like a waste of life. I never seem to finish anything that I start, or GO anywhere in life. What I mean by that is, there are SO many people out there, who may not be so bright, or talented, but what they lack in those two, they more than compensate for in determination and ambition. It is a sad truth, but I envy them. I put on such a front as a happy, go-lucky person, and often appear to have no care in the world, but this is merely a cover-up, to help me forget the fact that I am a failure to myself. I royally fuck things up, then bury my head in the sand and pretend everything is okay until things blow over, and I am not proud of this at all. While I try my hardest to be a loyal person, I often come short, especially with myself.

Very few people know this about me, but I have spent a LONG time battling with depression. Some of you may confuse depression with simply feeling 'down' but I assure you that is not what I mean. The reason I have struggled for so long is because I kept kidding myself that I was okay, that it would blow over and I would wake up and feel better one day. It took a lot for me to do, and it's bringing a tear to my eye to openly admit any of this. To face up to myself and fight my depression, was by a country mile the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I thought of myself as being above it, I guess. That I didn't need help because I would sort myself out. Truth is, I was scared. Shitless. I can't even explain why. I'm sure that I am not alone in hating having faults pointed out to me, or being proven wrong. But to have to enumerate my own faults, and have to FORCE myself to accept that I was ill, I cannot begin to describe what it took. Not only was I depressed, but I was, and still am, submerged in fear. The ironic thing is, I fear being a failure, and being weak and frail, yet the discordant truth is, I AM those things.

Right now, I am at a very, VERY low point. The difference this time is that I know what I have to do to pull myself out of this hole. It is just going to take some time, and help from the few people that care enough. I have an amazing girlfriend and she has been my crutch lately, and I owe her the world. One day. I also have a handful great friends and family around me that have stuck with me, at times when plenty of others, rightly or wrongly, didn't want to know, and for this I am eternally grateful.

The reason I am writing this gloomy admittance of fault is for several reasons. Firstly, I sometimes feel that I am a fraud, and it is me opening up and being public regarding my illness. It is something that I feel that I both want AND need to do. It's like coming out, only less gay. I guess it is also in the hope that if anybody feels like I may have been strange towards them, or off at times, that they will forgive me and not take it personally. I also WANT people to talk to me about it. If anybody reads this and can relate, I wan't them to know that they are not alone, which is something that I felt for a VERY long time. Feel free to ask me questions, safe in the knowledge I won't write a scathing rant about you, like if you ask stupid questions about tattoo's or refer to Jade Goody as an 'angel'! If anybody think's I need to pull myself together and get a grip, I also welcome that with my open, inappropriate and unprofessional, tattooed arms. I welcome all feedback, questions, advice and hate mail.

I apologise that this is so badly written and probably makes no sense. I just wanted to make it known I guess. May I also add that none of this is a self-pitying cry for attention, even if it seems that way. I would have taken a lot more time to write it and written it a lot better, had I not rushed it and written it through bleary eyes, before I lost the bottle to do so.

"Misery is the river of the world, everybody row."

Y'know what really grinds my gears.......

2009-04-22T05:11:00.000-07:00

Ok admittedly this blog has no pre-determined objective, it is a mini rant. If you do not like mini rants, don't bother continuing. Also, if you disagree with what I say, feel free to comment, but remember that it's MY blog and my personal opinion and experiences are all that matters.

I wrote a big long essay-like blog, then deleted it all. I decided I should keep it to the point, and short and sweet.

-Today is budget day, so tomorrow when you read The Sun's headlines then flick to the tits part, don't bother voicing your ill-informed opinion on how this country is 'going to shit'. And also, if you didn't vote at the last general election, you have absolutely NO right to condemn ANYTHING that the Government does, because you couldn't be arsed getting off your arse to contribute towards anything else. More people voted for the winner of Big Brother in the year of the last General Election. This proves exactly HOW this country is 'going to shit' in my opinion.

-Hillsbrough. 96 people needlessly lost their lives and I totally agree with the idea of a proper inquest into the days event's. It was an appauling tragedy, which affected the game as we know it from that day onwards. However several things really fucking annoyed me lately. Firstly, the booing of a speaker at the memorial service. As far as I am aware he had nothing to do with the original inquest, the police that day, nor The Sun newspaper. I understand to an extent that, yes he represents the government, however I think that the Liverpool fans let themselves down by booing and jeering him, and that they should have had the dignity and respect to let him speak, seeing as it was a tribute at a memorial service. Then, following that service, news correspondants spoke to a group of Liverpool supporters who claimed their 'disgust' at both the F.A. and Everton Football Club for going ahead and playing the FA Cup Final in the May of 1989, claiming that "Everton should have had the 'decency' to hand the trophy over to Liverpool Football Club and let them keep it as a tribute to the 96 who died". Firstly, Liverpool won, and it was a fitting tribute, secondly, what about the 39 innocent Italians that lost their Lives in 1985? Liverpool played that European Cup Final THAT NIGHT without offering the trophy to Juventus to keep. I noticed double standards to the highest degree when there were a lot of callers in on Radio 5 Live's football phone-in talking about the disrespect shown to the Liverpool fans from all angles regarding Hillsbrough, then when Liverpool played against Manchester United that weekend, you could clearly see Liverpool fans throwing paper aeroplanes at United supporters, and hear them singing Munich-related songs while doing aeroplane gestures with their arms. Touching.

-'Scene' kids at hardcore shows. You are old hat now. You aren't br00tal, despite the knuckleduster tee shirt you're wearing. Pedal pushers ain't hardcore. you aren't welcome. Just fuck off.

I've got the straight edge.....

2009-04-17T16:50:00.000-07:00

Right, let me start by saying this..... This blog is purely my PERSONAL view, on ME being straight edge. I am NOT preaching, nor am I going to give a comprehensive history of straight edge. If you want that then do your own research. If you don't even know what 'straight edge' is, do your own research! It's just a bit of a rant from the heart.....

I have been straight edge for not far off 6 years. Thats quite a long time to stick to something by anybody's standards. In this time I have not had a drag of a fag, not taken any drugs, not had a sip of alcohol...... whatsoever. Not on a weekend, not on a birthday, Christmas, New Year, mothers day...... not AT ALL. The vast majority of you reading this probably can't say that you could go a month without doing one of the above. I do not think that I am better than any of you for this. Well... maybe a little. Lots of people ask me about it, and seem suprised or shocked that I am not drinking, then follow that up with "you have a sniff though, right?". Wrong. A lot of people follow up by saying something like "I wish I could be like that." This is a common, yet ridiculous answer. I am not doing anything. Literally. It's not like I can play the entire Led Zepplin back catalogue using a rubber band and my cock. It's really not difficult. Just don't do something. How hard can it be? Don't get me wrong, temptation does get the better of most people... but I really fail to understand why people say "I could never do that" or "I don't know how you do it?". It confuses me a little. I find it harder to go out and spend a shit load of money on getting leathered, then feeling like shit the next day. That, to me, is harder than going out and not drinking. Another common thing that I hear is "I couldn't have fun on a night out if I didn't drink". Sorry to be so blunt... but that is because YOU are a fucking boring twat. If you NEED to be under the influence of your chosen vice to enjoy yourself, then that says a lot about you as a person. You obviously lack any sense of 'fun'. And I feel that I should point out to all of you pissheads, that you may FEEL like you are cool, but you look a cunt. Putting your arms around your mates shoulders and slurring out 'Wonderwall' like a disabled kid at a school disco, just ain't cool. Just like you pricks snorting coke and thinking you're the bollocks. Nah son. Wrong again. A lad from Wrexham got done for dealing 'coke' recently, and it was 23% cocaine. 23%. The rest was baby powder and glucose. Probably. Could have been ANYTHING. But then, if you wanna spend your hard-earned on a couple of grams of condensed milk, go for it. I am saying this, and it is my personal choice, on the flipside, you can choose to snort 'coke' You are well within your rights (apart from the legal issues obviously) to sniff a 'Class A' drug and walk round like Billy Big Bollocks, giving it large and thinking you are number one. But I assure you. Nobody cares. And just because you FEEL like you are some sort of hard guy, doesn't actually mean that you ARE some kind of hard guy. I have grown bored of ratty little cokeheads thinking that they're tough because of the little bag of Persil they've been sniffing through their last tenner. It's worth it though, putting up with their shit, because the fights that they get themselves into, are nothing short of hilarious. I guess that drinking, sniffing, popping, however you consume your poison is a bit like playing on the Wii. It feels better than it looks. You can call me vain for saying this, and I guess you would be right. But y'know when you're driving late at night, and you see that mong wobbling up the street, puke down his top, piss down his pants, eyes barely open, blood all over their face, and you laugh at them and say "what a fuckin' state"? Thats you. That is what YOU look like. And I do NOT want anybody to see me like that. I don't want to make a prick of myself. While I dance like a twat and mess about more than most, I do so consienciously and choose what I do and don't do, with no excuses. I like it that way. I don't want to LOOK like an idiot. It may be vain, but its surely positive ostentation?

I am straight edge, but most of my friends are not. I do not let this cloud my judgement as I am neither hardline nor preachey, and firmly believe that everybody can do what they want. However I shall anger a few people with my next sentence, and fucking enjoy it too. I do NOT think that anybody needing treatment for a self-inflicted, drugs/smoking/alcohol induced illness should receive it on the NHS. You can argue that you pay your taxes when buying your fags or beer, but I don't give a shit. There are far too many people that have caused their own demise, taking up much-needed beds, facilities and funding on the NHS. It's not as if people aren't aware that smoking can kill. That drinking too much damages the liver. That heroin is just plain bad for you. So why the hell should these idiots clog up our hospitals for free? I apologise refusely if somebody you know comes into the afformentioned 'idiots' category, and you are offended. But hey, I know several people in the same dirty, smelly boat, and I still feel strongly about that. I am fully aware that I am swimming against the tide in this blog, but y'know, it's my blog, my opinions, my time spent writing. I am also aware that this is far more of a rant than my previous efforts, and I have noticed that I have used a lot more profanities than usual. Nevermind, I guess I just have a lot more pent up frustration than I realised!

I became straight edge for several reason that I do not NEED to justify to you. But I will.

Because I wanted to.

Simple as that really. I don't want to do that shit. I have a smackhead in my family and I have watched him tear the family apart. I want my family to be proud of me. I like being in control, at all times. I am not tight, but I begrudge spending so much money on a blackout and a headache. Put simply, I dont want to drink, smoking fuckin stinks, and I am afraid of drugs. I am proud of my choice and have never been tempted in the slightest to stray. I cannot see that changing either. Call me a pussy, kick off on me, whatever, but remember when I'm sober and you're not...I can aim my punches a lot better than you can with yours ;-)

PS - I'd like you to relax. Clear your mind for a moment. Picture the scene. You are out somewhere, could be anywhere, but for arguments sake, lets say that you are in work, on a Monday morning. You are tired and don't really want to be there. You turn around and see a fat guy waddling towards you. y'know the kind of fat I mean. Stand up and the chair is wedged to their big arse. Obese. You get the picture. He comes over and after the "hello" and small talk is out of the way, he say's "I ate SO much on Saturday night. I was SO full!" This isn't all. He proceeds to tell you about the 4 packets of Quavers, large bag of chippy chips, two large sausage, pot of curry sauce, 2 litres of Coca Cola, Mars bar, Packet of Jammy Dodgers, curry, trifle, 1kg bar of dairy milk and packet of Starburst that he munched down, all in one night.Does this interest you? Are you GLAD that he told you? Are you IMPRESSED? I didn't think so. Remeber that next time you tell me about how 'pissed' you were, and then reel off a list of drinks that I don't care that you drank, yeah?

10-4

Love lasts forever, but a tattoo lasts six months longer.

2009-04-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

I don't really know how best to start this blog. I have written several opening lines, and then deleted them. This is the umpteenth attempt and I'm sticking with it. The reason being I have quite a bit to say on the subject matter, and am currently unsure as to which order I should put things in. The subject is something that is both 'taboo' and mainstream at the same time. Tattoo's. I'm not going to write "An idiots guide to tattoo's by Alex Bentley", and I shall also do my best to avoid going off on a tangent, and ranting until the cows come home. Most of you reading this will already have an opinion on tattoo's, but I want you to cast it aside until you finish reading. I must also state before I begin, that I am not a tattooist. Nor am I an expert. What I am is tired.

Tattoo's are everywhere. Football players, movie stars, singers, taxi drivers, dart's players, Hell's Angel's. Everybody and their nan seems to have them these days. Well, maybe not. But it certainly seems so. I cannot begin to explain just how bored of hearing the word 'Miami', followed by 'Ink', I really am. I am not directly dissing the show, or the artists that appear on it. They are some of the best in the world, and I envy the work they make look so effortless. There are two sides to the Miami Ink coin. On the heads side we have that it shows that tattoo studio's are not all smoke filled, dingey little backstreet dives. It portrays the tattooists as being caring and honest people, offering their knowledgable advice to customers, and talking to the customer about the reason behind their chosen design. It has also shown some of the people amongst us that there is more to tattooing that tribal and old-english names down the forearm. It's tails side is that it has spawned too many know-it-alls and copycats. I know most of you will be reading this thinking that I may be a pot calling a kettle black. However. If you have spent as much time as I have in studios, and have best friends that are artists, then the Topman trendy kid that tries to advise you on what tattoo you should get, after he watches the double-bill on DMAX is seen as both a 'know-it-all', and more commonly, a 'twat'. I have seen lots of koi carps, dragons, pinup girls and old school designs before. I did not need to be spoon fed the idea of having colour in a tattoo, or that cool and creative designs are actually an option, by an egomaniac in Florida. I read books, magazines, look online, speak to people, go to studio's and conventions. I do not wait on my arse until 4pm to watch an hour long show that will show 4/5 tattoo's, which are usually very good, if not great, then at 5.05 decide that I want exactly what I have just seen.

It would be impossible and somewhat blasphemous to talk about tattoo's being mainstream without mentioning the institution that is, David Beckham. I have nothing against the guy. In fact, I really quite like the fella. However, this does not mean that I would go into a tattoo shop and ask such an imbecilic question as "Have you got the Beckham tattoo?", and then not only go to describe it as "y'know, that angel one on his back" (not least because it is a diver, NOT an angel), but proceed to book in for an exact replica. The guy has done a lot for tattooists around the country, and I imagine the world, as I would bet my bottom dollar that nigh-on EVERY tattoo artist has at some point been asked for/done a 'David Beckham tattoo'. The guy is big business. I must add that he is not alone. Cheryl Cole is enforcing girl power, and there are hoardes of girls all over the country with a tiny piece of tribal on the side of their hand. I once heard a girl talking about showing her girl friends in work her latest work, and when one of them said "That's well nice that I'm gona get it done" she said she replied with "Fuck off don't go copying my tattoo's". You may be thinking that this is both fine and understandable. In some respects yes. However, the tattoo in question is a direct copy of Jordan/Katie Prices bow. Insert another pot/kettle/black reference here. The observant amongst you may have noticed that I used the word 'latest' when describing her tattoo. This is because it wasn't her first tattoo. Nor was it her second. She had three, the afformentioned, the rosary beads that the famous for being famous Nicole Richie has, and a Playboy Bunny. How very creative. I'm so glad that these creative individuals feel that they have something in common with me because I have tattoo's.

As those of you who don't know me personally may have gathered, I have quite a few tattoo's. I do not have as many as I would like, and I do not intend on stopping anytime soon. I have also spent a LOT of time in a studio. For some reason, to some people, this must obviously mean that all that I want to talk about is tattoo's. Like as if I have no opinion on today's news, or that I am not intersted in sports or music. Instead, person, after person, after person, insists on talking to me about tattoo's. I realise that this may sound snobby and unappreciative. I do quite like that people regard me as knowledgable enough to ask a question. And, very often, I am more than happy to engage in conversation and offer any advice that I can. Unfortunately though, some people think that I am interested in hearing their extensive list which follows the words "I want......". Newsflash. I don't. I can't say that I have seen David Beckhams latest, nor do I know what language it is supposed to be in. In all honesty.... I struggle to care. Think about it though. Do any of you mentally defective half-wits think that I can answer the question "How much is a tattoo?"....even if you DO follow it up with "It's about *that* big. My mate got his done by his dad's uncles brother's next door neighbours dogs first owner, and it cost him 45 quid, how much would it cost?". Has it not occurred to people that it is hard to give a price on something that is not there, and that maybe, they should take the design into a tattoo studio and ask them, in there, while they are in work, instead of asking my while im in the pub trying to win thirty five quid on the bandit? Another classic question, which both annoys and amuses me, is......... "What do YOU think I should get?". Does it matter wether I think you should get tribal or a japanese sleeve? Get what YOU want you dumb fuck. Actually, strike that, reverse it. DON'T GET ONE. You obviouslly lack the brains cells required to think things through properly, and are clearly not ready for the real world, so scarring yourself for life, with a design you would have happily let little old me choose, is probably a bad idea. I do always answer the question though. It is very rarely that the person asking likes my answer though. "How about you get a portrait of me bending your mum over and taking her from behind?". The look on their face is priceless. "WHAT??!!". Queue textbook response..... "If you ask a stupid question.... what do you get? And anyway, I think you SHOULD get that. It'd be wicked".

I currently received my first instance of real discrimination lately, regarding the tattoos on my arms. I was in work on a "dress down Friday", wearing jeans and a polo shirt. Nothing outlandish. A man came to me at my desk and said "Is it Alex Bentley?" to which i responded "Yeah.....". He asked me to follow him, which I did. He asked me to sit down, which I did. He then asked me if I had "seen this"? I hadn't. It was the policies and procedures regarding dress down attire. He promptly pointed to the section titled ' BODY ART'. It stated that all tattoo's must be covered up at all times. I found this rather annoying, especially, as I forgot to mention, I work on the telephone not face-to-face with anybody. However I just sucked it up and bit my lip. Rules are rules I guess. But, I need to continue. This was not all. I got sent home 'to change'. As I live an hours journey, taking two bus rides away, this is somewhat very speculative but pretty much unfeasible. That therefore lead on to me being 'sent home' for the day, and asked to work back the hours on my day off. I have worked there since May last year, so almost a year. It has never been raised with me before, and nobody has taken me to one side and said "As of now Alex, could you keep them covered please?". And even THAT is not what bothers me most. When I went back to my desk after being told "for what it's worth I think they're great" by the ignoramus that had just ridded me I sat in my chair and looked around. I could see three other people with tattoo's on show. They had been there all day, I was only an hour into my shift. Here comes the funniest part, and I want you to remember that tattoo's are deemed "unprofessional and inappropriate" okay. When I stood up and gathered my things, I looked across the office to see one of the corporate, brown-nosing, do-gooders wearing a fucking HOT DOG outfit. He was stood up wearin a full hot dog outfit, while the very busy mangement staff and his team members took photo's on their phones (which are banned from the office for legal reasons). He had been nominated by somebody who had won a form of 'competition'. For the first time in my entire life, I actually felt a little bit degraded for my appearence. Are my tattoo's REALLY that hideous? I didn't feel this way for long I must add. In fact, it was only a matter of seconds before I chuckled at both the irony of the situation, and the fact that the guy in question is enough of a cock anyway, before the not-so-flattering outfit that made him look like one.

I feel I must apologise for ranting a little today. Feel free to leave any comments, abuse, thought's or views, both similar and polar opposite.

"The only difference between a tattooed person, and a person who isn't tattooed is that a tattooed person doesn't care if you're tattooed or not."

Jade was a GOODY?

2009-04-07T15:27:00.000-07:00

I know many people would consider it to be a little too soon, as the mother of two was only buried the other day. However, I just read an article about Michael Parkinsons opinion on the media shitstorm that was Jade Goody.

He said "What bothers me is that the media first of all recommended we hate Jade Goody - 'a slapper with a face like a pig', remember? - and shortly thereafter tried to persuade us to
celebrate her."

I have to say..... I couldn't agree more. I recently caused a little bit of controversy on Facebook, by stating that I never liked her, and that neither did anybody else six months ago. If we as thinking people remove the media blinkers and look at her death, what do we have? We have the death of a young mother to a terrible illness, which is just as sad as the death of anybody taken before 'their time'. We have very little else. We have not lost a saint. We have not lost a person who has had a huge impact, or done anything great for people or humankind. What did Jade Goody ever ACTUALLY do? She was a benefit fraud that got famous for being stupid on a 'reality' TV show. Following her vile and putrid stint on Big Brother, she rode the bullshit tidalwave for as much as she could, cashing in on anything and everything, completely careless/oblivious to the fact that people were laughing AT her and not WITH her. She was a mother of two, and apparantly she was a good mum aswell. That is good. She did what she is SUPPPOSED to do, in being a good mum. While it is commendable, feel free to let it be known if my stadards are a little too high here, it is a womans job when she has children, to be the best mum that she can. This is nothing that singles her out from anybody else. There are lots of single mums out there working several jobs to support their child/ren, that aren't all over the papers every day. Short of this, what good did she actually do. How did she affect people for the better? Before anybody misconstrues what I am saying here, I would not wish anything upon her, nor am I saying that she deserved to die. What I am saying is this, Jade Goody, was an idiot. She got famous for being an idiot. She got hated through being an idiot. The only media attention she ever received, you've guessed it, was for being an idiot.

Personally, I find the way that she chose to go out disgusting. If anything happened to my mum, I'd be eternally mortified to have her milk it for every penny along the way. I don't care what people think of me for saying this, but I felt offended for having her slow death forced down my throats, and having both the media and people in the 'real' world make me feel guilty for not really caring all that much. There are plenty of poor bastards with cancer, accepting their cruel 'fate' and dealing with it personally. MOST of those people very probably did MORE good with their lives aswell. The media these days are so twisted and fickle, and what's even sadder is the braindead public that follow it. I have not written this anywhere near as well as I'd have liked, due to being tired and sidetracked, but whatever.

I never liked Jade Goody. She was a vile and disgusting media whore. But I did like Keith at the end of my street. He was a good man. He brightened up my day on MANY an occasion. He died of cancer last week, and did so with dignity. I am proud to have known him.